How to Write Your Own Elopement Vows

Writing your own vows can feel like a lot of pressure, even if its just the two of you. Even MORE so if you have guests attending. Meaningful vows aren’t about being poetic, grand, or profound. They’re about being specific, honest, and grounded in your relationship. While writing your vows should be taken seriously (you’re making promises to commit to someone for a lifetime after all) it doesn’t have to be a daunting task.

1. Start With Reflection

Before you try to draft anything, spend time thinking through your relationship. Write notes in your phone or a notepad over a few days instead of forcing it in one sitting.

Ask yourself:

• When did I realize I wanted to marry them?
• What do they do that makes me feel safe or understood?
• What have we been through that shaped us?
• What everyday moments feel the most “us”?
• What are some specific qualities about them that I appreciate?

You’re not writing sentences yet. You’re collecting raw material; memories, specific things you love about them, what you’re looking forward to in your future together, etc…

2. Follow a Simple Structure and Make it Personal

It’s easier to start writing your vows when you have a structure to follow instead of staring at a blank page. You need to make your vows personal and specific, otherwise there’s no point in writing your own!

Start with this:

1. A short opening about what this day means
2. A few specific memories or qualities, things you have been through together
3. What you love and appreciate about them
4. Your promises (the core of your vows)
5. A simple closing line, what you are looking forward to in your future together

This structure keeps your vows from wandering and helps them feel complete.

3. Keep Promises Realistic and Honest

Your promises don’t have to sound formal (unless that’s your personality and relationship dynamic). They should reflect how you actually show up in your relationship. Think in terms of actions, not generalized grand promises.

Examples:

• I promise to always be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable
• I promise to make time for you and keep fun in our relationship
• I promise to be patient and kind, even when things are hard

For my fellow Christians who want to have a Christ centered marriage, remember to include God in your vows.

• I promise to pray with you and for you
• I promise to love you unconditionally as Christ loves us
• I promise to serve you and put your needs above my own

4. Read Them Out Loud

This step catches little details you may have missed: Awkward phrasing, sentences that are too long, anything that doesn’t sound like you. If you run out of breath reading a sentence, it’s too long. If it feels unnatural, simplify it.

5. Aim for 1-3 Minutes (about 150-400 words)

Longer isn’t always better. Keeping your vows intentional and honest is more important than a long grand statement. Adding unnecessary words or something cliche you heard at your friends wedding can cheapen it.

6. Write Them Down, Physically!

In the age of everything being digital, some things need to be physical. Not only will this look better in photos, but it also will keep you more in the moment without additional distractions. You will also be able to keep them forever vs having them as a note on your phone. You can start by writing them on your phone or computer, but I recommend getting a pair of vow books in advance to copy them down in.

Final Tips on How to Write Your Own Vows

The goal isn’t to impress anyone. It’s to make vows that are honest and straight from the heart. Promises that you plan to keep for a lifetime. An important note: Stay away from using chatgpt or other AI generators. Your vows should be personal and directly from you. Whether it’s short and sweet, or a longer statement of your love and devotion, your vows should actually sound like you, and realistically reflect your relationship.

Your Midwest Elopement Photographer